Remember the night i woke up for the first time to my nightmare and you were not here, I screamed and cried but you were not here? In the end it was a kind unknown woman who held me in her arms and who quieted me down with her make up and stories, who embraced me gently in her grown up femininity like a lost country, known and unknown at the same time... you were angry later, you always were when someone else did what you were supposed to. You were angry for make up and you were angry I woke up and you were angry I was in a way of your entertainment. I was preventing you from your party life, from flirting with all those women, but I was your problem and you knew it. And yes you were there the next day, but you were not here.



And it took centuries for me to trust you again.



But, I did. Remember the night, many years later, the night when I lost the one I love and you just couldn't be here? All you could think of was how this inconvenienced your plans. All you could think of was your vacation. Acquaintances, strangers, even enemies felt empathy, offered a shoulder to lean on. But you, you, the one who promised to be there in good and evil at the sight of this one undeniable loss, you were not here. And those semi strangers held my hand and helped me get through it and you were angry because you knew you should have been here. Only you couldn't because here passes quickly and it becomes a scar. And yes, you were there next day, but you were not here.



And it took decades to trust you again.



But, I did. Remember the night my life fell apart and I rushed before the cars and to the tops of the buildings to fly? And you, you were not here. You were too busy healing your own insecurities, too busy to save my life. Luckily, some new people were here. They led me through the night. They held me and stopped me from rushing before the cars and flying from the building tops. They showed me stars above and offered hope. And, yes you were there the next day, but you were not here.



And it took years to trust you again.



But, I did. Remember the night I lost everything I had? And you, you were not here. It was the night when my house of cards was set ablaze and I stood there watching it burn. And I felt helpless and foreign in the land where there are no familial ties supposed to save you when all goes wrong. So I stood watching the lights of the city that warms me knowing that only a few blocks away you are drinking your incompetencies away. Again, those less known, those who have not penetrated my existence the way you did were there. They spoke softly of salvation. They spoke gently of better life to be built in the ashes of this one. They helped me get through this while you penetrated the existences of other cheap whores indulging in the copulation infused with vomit. And yes, you offered to be there the next day but here passes quickly and ... you, you were not here.



And it may be months before I trust you again, only I fear when clock strikes the right hour and shadows do their dance of death ... I fear when all lines up and the devil comes for his own ... I won't be here to greet him and snatch you away from his poisonous pangs, because here, here passes quickly.